Britfgts help me out - descriptive story - predict grade

[Hi5 Brid]

dunno why you care so much that you post this atleast in 3 different forums, im 4ner aswell and on year 12 or 13 when compared to British school system and ive never had to do any essay such as that one, yet my english is atleast OK and our school systems the worlds best according to few researches

I care about every subject, because since i came late to the high school ( dident start at the same time as everyone else ) i was put into "dumb" classes for every subject like set 4/5 for everything and now ( 2 year later ) i ended up being in Set 2 science/i.t./maths... and I'm still in set 4 for English., + i want to get good grades because eng is one of the main subjects you need for almost everything.

[Ollie]

Few grammatical errors but nothing too major

Just use more alliterations, similies and complex sentences with good adjectives & adverbs

Lots of good parts though so if i was your teacher i'd probably be giving it a B

Is the part with Lennie & George that "Of Mice and men" book? If so, i had to do that for my GCSE English a few years back aha

[Ollie]

The searing heat from the sand set alight to the bottom of my feet, like i was dancing on a bed of coal, as i progressed further on my relentless journey of this vast, deserted plain of land.

^ sheeet like that br0

[just something i thought of then]

That's gona get you the top marks

[Marc|Criti]

0/10 would not bang