B L l l T Z Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) are you aware that whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species1. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Greens are set aside in a Brandy Snifter, both in homage to rockers of old2, and for small amounts of self indulgence3 as the championship is underway. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can Only be 1 Edited March 15, 2013 by B L l l T Z
`Stef Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) This shall be a championship of epic proportion. Only one shall survive and be called the CHAMPION OF CHAMPIONS! LET THE CHAMPIONSHIP BEGIN! Edited March 15, 2013 by `Stef
DeltaPapa Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) Look. No amount of 6" bulletproof plexiglass, no fly zones, 24/over 9,000 Secret Service details, concentric rings of bodyguards, etc are going to protect this black person from a team of determined assassins pissed off by the very fact that he's a no good dirty stinkin' cocky bastard Muslim black person who's a fraud. All it takes is one bullet in his brain stem, or preferably, leaving him alive enough to suffer and feel incredible amounts of pain. No amount of security can take that high level of sustained stress and alertness. All the assassins need is one slip. Just. One. Slip. And they are hidden, while the black person's wide open. Protip: it need not have to happen on American soil. Or air for that matter. The Secret Service is taking the clear and present threat very seriously. But so what. This black person's goin' DOWN!!! Edited March 15, 2013 by DeltaPapa
Madslash Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 m&ms are too expensive, a 30oz bag is like 8-10 dollars screw that lol
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